With friends and family coming into town, and as all the shopping and merry making commences its easy to forget what this holiday is truly about. We must remember that on this day the Lord did send down his avenging angel John McClane to smote evil in all its forms. For this we give thanks and say: Yippie Ki Ay Mother Fucker.
Congregation: Yippie Ki ay Mother Fucker.
There are many lessons in Die Hard that we should keep in our hearts on this most holy of days, if not through the entire year.
Strength: There is much strength John Mcclane. He who did slaughter and mamie so many evil doers do so with as much inner strength as physical. We must remember that when times get hard and we feel alone, that we have a strength inside of us. The strength to persevere, The strength to overcome. And of course the strength of his estranged wife Holly. Holly who tended the family on her own. Holly who took control of her life, and demanded the respect she deserved. Who unarmed stared down terrorists and stood up to them in defence of the meek and the innocent.
Solidarity. Let us not forget the lessons of the humble cop Al Powell. Al who stood bravely by the angel McClane even when all stood against him. Who did say verily to his gobbeshite of a boss “Why don’t you wake up and smell what you shoveling?” For if we do not stand up for those we would count as friends, what good is humanity? It is only when we prioritize the people around us over the things and stations in life that our lives doth hold meaning.
Patience and Faith: who of us have not felt like Argyle, trapped and alone. Trapped in a job we care not for. Trapped in place we wish not to be. Take solace in the tale of Argyle who did not lose his spirit. Who instead placed his faith in Mclane and was rewarded with salvation.
Yes, be like Argyle and remember – all things shall come to those of us with faith and patience. For did not Mclain require assistance? And did he not receive it in the form of the inept Tony and the bounty he carried with him. Thus McClane did write “Now I have a machine gun. Ho Ho Ho.” On the corpse of his enemy. Like McClane, let us bow our heads and be mind full of the rewards that come our way. Yippie Ki Yay Mother fucker.
Congregation: Yippie Ki Ay Mother Fucker
Now friends we turn from the lessons of the almighty franchise to the celebration. Each year we remember the exploits of John McClane and his trials at Nakatomi. And we give thanks. We give thanks and we celebrate.
That is why on this day we wear not the shoes and socks, but do go barefooted around thy house – clearing all corners and blind spots as we enter a room – rolling and diving when appropriate.
We shed our vanity and insecurities on this day. We show the fragility of our human vessels and dawn the vest/wife beater (sleeveless shirt) and only cover it up whence command to do so by parent or significant other because: company cometh over soon and you will not embarrass me again like last year, so help me god. You are a grown ass adult now act like it and put some damn clothes on….
And they that observith this day shall consume twinkies save those that on a diet or diabetic.
We also drink from the Japanese Whiskey and American Beer to symbolize the melding of cultures at the Nakatomi Christmas Party, save those who are addicted, abstaning, or broke.
We shall consume sausages in honor of Hans Gruber, be they vienna, or brat, or kielbasa, or weiner. For while Gruber was villian, he was also most bad ass.
And lastly we shall tell our loved ones in earnest that we love them. For we know not when they will be held captive by terrorists. Or thrown from a building causing us to take retribution in an amazing sequel years later. So we tell them now and take comfort when we can.
Now, go forth- remember the lessons of our story and celebrate Die Hard Day with joy in your hearts. Peace be with you and Happy Die Hard Day. Yippie Ki Ay Mother Fucker.